The thin thread of becoming Crazy or becoming a Legend

“Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and live by what they hear. Such people become crazy…or they become legends…”
These profound words were from the movie: ‘Legends of the Fall.’ I felt that these words will help me encapsulate the thoughts that this paper will produce. Later, I will also cite some other films that reflect the strength and shortcomings of the human spirit. All people, especially those who believe that they were called by some mystifying entity greater than themselves, claim to hear an inner voice: a voice that compels them to act in order to fulfill a unique destiny of their own. But somehow along the way, because of the vagueness of the voice heard, some people mislay their way and think that everything is lost. They fail to see that the journey is part of their longed-for destiny. Because of frustration, crisis, un-met needs, and disappointments, they become depressed and fail to see the beauty of life. Quite a number of people in this age even end up crazy.
The film ‘A Beautiful Mind’ shows us an exceptionally gifted person who also listened to an inner voice: a voice that made him lose his mind. With the help of his wife, they showed that ‘the only thing greater than the power of the human mind is the courage of the heart.’ This will prompt us to ask: Where does the inner voice lie? Is it meditated by the human thought? Is it incited by the human emotion? Does it come both from the intellect and the heart? Or does it come from somewhere deeper? So deep that we cannot even classify it to belong to either intellect or feelings? The authentic VOICE comes not only from our world of ideas or reveries, but it also shouts itself from other entities outside of us. Now, can we conclude that the use of intellectual faculties is futile when it comes to the deepest longings of our being? How about imagination, daydreams, stories and tales --- how does these serve us?
The movie: ‘Life is Beautiful (La Vita E Bella)’ gives us “an unforgettable fable that proves love, family and IMAGINATION conquers all.” Hoping to shield his son from the horrors of their predicament, the father tells his son that they and everyone else in the concentration camp are competing to win a contest where the grand prize is one of his son’s favorite things --- a real tank. Out of love for his son and family, the father used his imagination to protect the one real thing --- the fact that life is beautiful. Victor Frankl in his book ‘Search for Meaning’ described how people in the Nazi camp were stripped off of their dignity and fought for their sanity. It is up to the human spirit whether to become crazy or to continue their path and become legends. This exactly is what Mr. Schindler chose --- to become a legend.
“The list is life --- whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.” From the film: ‘Schindler’s List’, we see the triumph of one man who made a difference, and the drama of those who survived one of the darkest chapters in human history because of what he did.
Going back to crazy people…it does not mean that because one is mentally challenged he will never find the path of true happiness. Sean Penn and Michelle Pfeiffer in the movie ‘I am Sam’ gave a powerful heart-melting performances about why ‘love is all we need’ to understand and see that life is beautiful despite its complexities. Movies like: Patch Adams, Big fish, Lorenzo’s Oil, Forrest Gump and a thousand others moves us to reflect that the meaning of life --- the voice within --- does not lie only at a single moment of our reflection. It is not a sole product of our deepest ponderings. Likewise, it is not only provoked by emotions. The voice constantly unfolds and conceals itself in life. The meaning of our life is seen through the lenses of our history. Just like what Socrates said, ‘an unexamined life is not worth-living’, I say that for us to appreciate the meaning of life, we must ponder the inner thread of our life and see the guiding hand that leads us. These movies that I have written here were edifying only because as viewers, we can see how everything is falling into place. We know that it will always have a happy ending.
We can say that movies are modern forms of written literature. These are timeless classics that never fail to capture the human imagination and feed the soul. Same goes with music; it is able to reach the most sacred space in the human heart. In my personal reflection, I think this is one reason why the scriptures were written (if movies were available at that time, no doubt they would have produced one). Written experiences enable us to capture what True, Beautiful and Good really means. Every difficulty spices and makes the endeavor more exciting and rewarding. It is like reading a fairy-tale: you know that they will always “live happily ever after.” These strings of stories are meant to leave an indelible mark in our heart for they are connected with our experience with the Absolute. According to Nil Guillemette, one of the reasons why we spontaneously have recourse to stories when we want to speak either of God’s action in history or of God’s action in our individual lives is that we know that, when God enters the picture, the story is bound to have a happy ending if only we give it half a chance. And, from that point of view, the stories which always ended well --- the fairy tales of our childhood, for instance --- and so we finish with divine stories --- that will also end well. So much so that we could say that our fairy tales were anticipated gospels or introductions to the ultimate Good News, while the Gospel itself turned out to be the super-fulfillment of all possible fairy tales.
I have been writing this essay without giving a personal account of my own story. I admit, at the start, I do not know how to write about tracing the Divine will in my personal history. For sure I am affected by my present state. At the moment, due to personal issues and concern, I have to admit that I am having difficulty of making sense out of what is happening in my life. Maybe, in my story, I am still in the stage of conflict. I do not want to pretend that I am at peace knowing for sure that everything will turn out well. In my story, I am not a viewer; I do not see yet the possible outcome of my journey. In my story, I listen to the obscure voice, trying my best not to go crazy! But in this life, I have done so many crazy things…so many…crazy enough to hope that I will end up being a legend. But why choose citing movies for this reflection paper? ---For they are stories about the triumph of the human spirit. These stories give me HOPE. My story is not finish yet. It’s not even written. These stories strengthen me and in a certain degree, help me keep my sanity. Henri Nouwen wrote in his book: ‘The Living Reminder. Service and Prayer in Memory of Jesus Christ [(New York: Seabury Press, 1977), pp. 65-66],’ that “One remarkable qualities of the story is that it creates space. We can dwell in a story, walk around, find our own place. The story confronts but does not oppress; the story inspires but does not manipulate. The story invites us to an encounter, a dialogue, a mutual sharing. A story that guides is a story that opens a door and offers us space in which to search and boundaries to help us find what we seek, but it does not tell us what to do or how to do it. The story brings us in touch with the vision and so guides us.” John of the Cross explained perfectly the nature of the things we HOPE for. We cannot hope for things that we have already seen. We cannot hope for things that we can predict. Hope by its very nature is unknowable. At this present moment, though it maybe difficult, I am at home with being uncertain with my future. I am willing to accept my doubts and fears. Occasionally I also get angry with God and with myself. Yes, I go crazy often times these days.
Part of our formation in the seminary is writing a journal. They said that this will help us see the inner thread of our life. Others say that there is a pattern. In a nutshell, it presents a bigger picture of what is really important for you. All experiences, even the bad ones serve as a piece of the puzzle of your life. J.R.R. Tolkien in his book: “The Tolkien Reader [(New York: Ballatine, 1966), pp. 68-69] wrote, “The consolation of fairy-stories, the joy of the happy ending…is a sudden and miraculous grace…it does not deny the existence…of sorrow and failure: the possibility of these is necessary to the joy of deliverance; it denies (in the face of much evidence, if you will) universal defeat and in so far is evangelium (good news), giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy, joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief.”
It is difficult to conclude this paper because it is part of my story --- a story that is still on-going. It is like a never ending story. Though I may say that partly, due to my free will (and also as the primary actor of my story), I can from time to time alter my act, but still I am not the script writer. The script writer is the VOICE. It provides me with the path I have to take. But what’s best is this one: THE DIRECTOR. He can see everything and change anything. When everything turns out messy, and he sees that I am not in good shape, he can always shout: “cut!” He can also change the script if he wants. And for sure, what he wants is always the best. That Director is God. William A. Barry wrote in his book: “God’s Passionate Desire and Our Response” that we all have experiences of the power of the story of God’s action in our world, of Jesus as our savior and dearest friend. We need to tell our stories. A living religion is constituted by the shared faith experiences of all those who belong to that religion, not only by dogmas and rites and buildings, as important as these are. We all have stories of God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit to tell to one another.
Eventually, my story will also end. But is it right to say that this is my story? Tristan (Legends of the Fall), John Nash (A Beautiful Mind), Guido (Life is Beautiful), Sam, Schindler, Patch Adams, and Forrest Gump has ended their story with an impact with other people’s lives. They became legends. Up until this time, they continue to touch, inspire and be part of other people’s lives --- such as mine. Their story assisted me in times of uncertainties and difficulties. Their story is not only their own, it became the story of all it touched. Same with Scriptures – it continues to reveal and conceal the story of us all.
Teresa of Avila once wrote that she heard it said that the Lord gave greater graces to those saints who went before us because they were the foundations. But still she said that we too must bear in mind what it means to be the foundations for those who will come later. For if those of us who are alive now have not fallen away from what they did in the past, and those who come after us do the same, the building will always stand firm. What use is it to us for the saints of the past to have been what they were, if we come along after them and behave so badly that we leave the building in ruins because of our bad habits? For obviously, those who come later don’t remember those who have died years before as they do the people they see around them. A fine state of affairs it is to insist that we are not one of the first, and do not realize what a difference there is between our life and virtues and the lives of those God has endowed with such graces. My story is not my own. It belongs to the continuous thread of story about God’s love for humanity. I can just hope that it will contribute to the testimony of God’s love. May it give hope to those confused. May it be a story about the triumph of the human spirit. As what Holy Mother Teresa has counseled, may it be a foundation for the next generation Carmelites. So much with the ending, let me go back to my present. Will I become crazy or become a legend? As of now, I really do not know. I go with what Forrest Gump has said, “Life is like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’re gonna get.”